This is a long one, but it is one topic close to my heart….so have a look maybe you’d get that deja vu` !!! Happy Reading!!
There is always a time in life when it becomes necessary to leave a place and look forward. A time, when it becomes essential to leave the past and seek for the future. Relationships are about such moments. A tumultuous love life essentially characterises a person’s obscure mind to the realities. I may be one such person. It is not always necessary to plunge into self-pity and mull over things you have lost. I find it better to fathom future prospects than past miseries. There are times when people around you question your character, your intensions and your integrity. It is then that it becomes essential to stand your ground and face the cacophony of criticisms. The impact of the barrage of slurs may leave you confounded under the shroud of self-doubt but you must realise that your actions are your own making and your own making cannot altogether go wrong.
There have been reckless decisions that have caused great damage which seem largely irreparable in the near future. There have been reckless actions which has left me with the loss of many close acquaintances. But all of these are part and package of our bold decisions. I would not maintain that all actions were always correct. No, that cannot be true, there will always be errors in judgements but there is always time to repair these malfunctions. I have always found myself to be wont of courage to be true to commitment. The reason being, the usual, fear of getting hurt. The phobia has been devouring my conscience to a reckless abandon. It is one of those difficult memories that compromise the most innocent of decisions within me. Nevertheless, I have never lost sight of myself, my conscience or my own identity. In light of such phobias we are often victims of the ire of the equal partner because of our apparent lack of interest or involvement in deep emotional bonds. This phobia has eaten into me so much that even the mere mention of those hopelessly romantic words of ‘love’ and ‘commitment’ send shudders down my spine. I could never stand the face of such serious matters and often flee to never return.
But of late, I have been questioning my tendencies. I often ponder why I react in such slapdash manner on the mention of such pure acts. I thought about it for two years, yet acting parallel contradictory. Then I realised my fear stems from my lack of faith in myself and an imposing preponderance about my past. I had begun to believe that no matter how different people are, they would almost always leave incurable wounds for a lifetime. How much ever others tried to convince me into believing otherwise, I often succumbed to such irrational mental schemas. The prospect of having to ‘suffer’ the ‘burden’ of commitment made me run away. All these thought, until I came upon a friend of mine who persisted in believing that her love would be recognised. Despite his reckless mannerisms of smothering her with hope and continuously breaking it she stood her ground. She was confident that someday he would acknowledge her love and fall into her arms. When this ‘dream’ came to be true (temporarily), she was very happy. When I asked the guy for having left her hanging in that state; he replied even though he wanted to stay he could not because he would leave the place in few months. The idea of having to leave her with that blow, without any solace seemed wrong. He knew that how much ever strong she claimed to be, her heart would always be too weak to bear that much agony. I was left confused at that sudden change and wondered (like most of you) whether this was a childish Houdini act or was it real love right there? I found the answer in the earnestness of his answer; no malice, no pretension just silent concern. He did not tell this reason to her as it would only make her grow fonder.
I found it highly plausible that ‘love’ could make you take steps that mar reasoning, it could make you reckless than promiscuity itself. But at the end, it all melts down to the fact that Love is indeed beautiful. The joy of sharing one’s lifetime immersed in that of another is something worth treasuring. You might have started out on a bad note; you might have gone unrequited and forlorn in love; but it is always worth a second chance. Your world which is shrouded in rejection, depression over a forsaken first love or even a terrible breakup may only be the torch to brighter days. Let not these deceptive patterns of loss make you lack succour; it is always a manifestation of our exhausted mind. All you have to do is to keep your hopes high, cry for a while; let out a sigh and flash that smile because love can definitely do with a second try.